I have been allergic to How to be a better parent.. kinda books for a while, especially after realizing that no matter what you do, the universe (read: your child) has another plan. One book that put me off completely was How to talk so kids listen which almost reduced children to a scientific experiment at best. Although I remember I was quite taken in in the early days and even tried to implement bits like: “Would you like to tidy your play area before lunch or after it?”
At some point, I felt like my child wrote the book and had the last laugh.
And then the truth finally dawned on me: Your kids are not listening to your words. They are watching what you do.
So when Duckbill sent me a copy of Keep Calm and Mommy On, by Tanu Shree Singh, I stared at it for a long time, trying to make up my mind whether I really wanted to read (and review) it.
Like most mothers, I have my shouty days and then I have my super Zen and creative days when the child and I are a magical unit. This book is for the shouty days when I say things like, “Breakfast! Now!” Or “Clean up this mess. Chop chop!” and the child stares at me like I were something the TV spewed out if you changed the source from HDMI2 to Component or some such
The book deals with a variety of issues: diversity, sex education, religion, discipline, sibling rivalry, bullying, lying, exams, money (needs and wants) and of course, a large section on reading, given Tanu Shree’s love for books. I wish there was a chapter about the role of the father or anomalies in households, like single-parent households (since she has otherwise covered most ground, including death, which is a conversation we have to prepare for at some stage with our children)
She illustrates her theories with anecdotes from her life raising two teenage boys. I was also pleased that she looked at a few issues from a boy’s lens, because I’m trying to raise a boy too and I believe that raising decent, sensitive, curious boys is what will redeem the world eventually.
Although it reads like a How to…manual for the most part, you cannot fault her checklists. It takes a lot of work to develop a rationale for things that are so intangible, like parenting. Tanu Shree manages that quite well, without ever getting dull or boring.
It’s written in a manner of an expert (which Tanushree is, with a PhD in Positive Psychology): Outlining strategies, presenting options, evaluating them with their pros and cons and finally coming up with an optimal solution that is largely based on listening to your child.
She had me at Yours sincerely, Santa Claus, a chapter which describes email exchanges set up between her kids and Santa, that among other things, encourages them to make gratitude lists for the things they have and having open dialogues about life and their ups and downs, all of which is shared with Santa. The point she is driving at is that gifting (or Christmas) is not just about receiving and if we encourage introspection and sharing in our children at the end of the year, Christmas takes on a whole new meaning. I love how they celebrate the Christmas spirit and how her boys (and she) still believe in Santa, despite all the cynicism of the world around them.
Another thing that got me really excited (and moving from chapter to chapter) is the list of books she recommends to tide through a particular issue: like homosexuality, diversity, etc. If I was not such a book purist, I would have ripped off those pages and stuck them on my book shelf as: “Books to buy. Now!”
I think we all make fairly good mothers (or good enough mothers) for the most part, but what we struggle with most often is consistency. At least I do. This book is just about how to wing that: through openness, respect, comfort and trust – all two way streets and I could not agree with her more. This is a parenting book that doesn’t make you want to climb walls. That doesn’t make you feel that you have just been fumbling around all this while (even though you think you have)
The bottom line of course is: “Talk to your kids”. So while she’s written the book, it’s still your job to do the talking.
And you don’t have to wait until Christmas, which is my favorite chapter.