Yes, I have an only child and it’s fine, really

Pic By Bajirao Pawar

Pic By Bajirao Pawar

I never had a strategy to have an only child. I am the oldest of three married to a third-born of four. We have an only. Well, give or take a cat or two. I don’t think my parents intended for us to be three, but my siblings are twins. Everyone else in my family is a perfect two and there is only one ‘only’. He is my favorite cousin incidentally.

People make the ‘only child’ sound like a convoluted human being, devoid of social skills, compassion, kindness. They are supposed to be maladjusted, selfish and everything wrong with the world. For doing exactly the same thing, they could be branded as attention seeking or aloof and anti-social. Sometimes you just can’t win.

My friend Parul recently popped her third baby. Three is a great number, I always thought. Two is too symmetric, but three? Now that’s a crowd in a good way. When we were growing up, my father would often complain that we all didn’t fit into an auto, and so we would have to divide and conquer the movies. I was cool with that, as I got to go with dad and the siblings went with mom for kiddie matinees. It was the only time I felt like an only child and dad and I grew up as movie buddies.

I was never one of those women who dreamt of a house full of children running around while I fawned over them. I thought I accomplished a rare feat by popping a baby at 40 and that it would settle things once and for all. That it would end all the presumptive questioning (“when are you getting settled?” and “are you planning kids?”). I was wrong. Once Re turned two, it started again, and from completely alien quarters. More than questions, they were opinions cloaked in concern. Theories. Postulates.

“Have the second one quickly. Don’t wait too long. ”

“The first one is for you, the second is for the first.”

“He’d make an excellent older brother.”

“But who will he play with?”

The worst was, “You already have a boy, so it hardly matters what comes next!”

And my absolute favorite:

“Who will take care of him when you are no more?”

I felt like telling them, you don’t have to die so many times before you actually die. So get a life, because your child will eventually have one, and perhaps a better one than you. After all, family doesn’t have to be fate. Siblings are great, but sometimes, it’s a 4 am friend who pulls you together. For all the times my parents thought we would look after each other, well, they are mostly looking after us even now.

But it was as though there was unfinished business, that we were incomplete with just one baby. We also got the “you might not want another one now, but when he gets older, you’d wish he had a sibling!”

Every now and then, I would ask Re, So would you like a baby brother or sister? He thought I was cuckoo. When Re turned a happy five this year, I finally set aside my residual desires or concerns of a sibling for him. He’s winging it. So am I.

I wish people wouldn’t sound so patronising about “only child.” “They end up having a lot of imaginary friends,” they say of them, as if it’s an affliction. Are they kidding? I was one of three and I had more imaginary friends than Re. My imaginary friends had imaginary friends.

I get a lot of “He doesn’t behave like an only child” about Re. Like he has redeemed his ‘only’ hood by being kind and polite. I know that he will always be in his own head to some extent; he is comfortable in there. He knows where everything is, and he is endlessly evaluating his own perceptions of the world outside. I like that sometimes I am his buddy and sometimes I’m his mamma.

He is at an age where he loves board games and I often wonder if a sibling would have been handy. But that’s about it. The feeling passes away quickly, each time I feel like packing my bags and driving off for an adventure. With an only, you travel light. With more than one, I don’t think I could just get up and go the way I have been doing. Going into the back burner seems a necessary byproduct of motherhood for most women and I don’t fancy that happening to me again. It was important to claim me back after I had a child and it was important not to feel selfish about the whole thing. I never ask people why they have three kids, so I don’t see any reason why I have to justify my only.

I wanted a balance between selfhood and motherhood and stopping at Re helped me get that. I can focus on my own pursuits and goals, while I watch him grow, and it is getting more exciting with every passing year. Less is definitely more in our case.

 

(This post first appeared as my column in Pune Mirror on 22nd September, 2014)

 

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106 thoughts on “Yes, I have an only child and it’s fine, really

    • Wow.. we are perfectly on same page.. i always give same explanation :).. My son is 3.. i also want to wait till he turn 5..then i may re-visit my decision.. not because my child will be lonely or anything.. but just to check my true feeling.. it is something like this.. I was really reluctant to have first kid too.. but when it happened it was wonderful.. he filled my life with very different kind of happiness.. So, i want to access it all again but only when he turn 5 🙂

  1. Pingback: Yes, I have an only child and it’s fine, really | Diligent Candy

  2. I can relate with this writeup ….Right from being bombarded with the ‘opinions’ of people around, after marriage “time to go the family way” to “ur biological clock is ticking ” etc etc ,after having my first child the bombardment began “ur kid will be lonely”,”ur being selfish” n to ensure that none of these turn true I kept checking with Darsh my 3yr old kid who with a lot of conviction said “I want only ma,pa n Darsh” and now I choose to give a deaf ear to people who have anything to say about we having only one child 😊😊😊

  3. This is such a candid writeup and I find myself identifying with it. I have a two-year-old and I feel our family is great just as it is. The decision to have another addition or not will be entirely up to the three of us. I have heard people say things like “every child should have a sibling to play with”, “they adjust better socially when they have another child to deal with at home” and “the best bonds are sibling bonds” to which my thoughts are “there are so many kids around – neighbours, friends and very soon, classmates so my little one has quite enough company” and “my best friends have been with me through thick and thin when my sibling was invariably far away”. I consider it my responsibility to raise my child well, not necessarily ‘provide’ her with a playmate or best friend. It is each family’s decision if and when to have children and how many but somehow the world and it’s aunty is always breathing down your neck with questions and opinions! Live and let live, I say!

  4. Very interesting write up on ‘Only Child’.. I have been victim of the same for a long time, similar inquisitiveness and queries from family and friends. My daughter is 14 years now, had asked her many times in the past if she feels lonely but she never been insistent on having a sibling.
    She is grown up with her circle of friends in the layout, also have 2 dogs at home who give company to all of us..
    I have been always working from 1993 onwards, with 4 yrs break in between for my daughter, now starting up a business on my own, pursing my passion. Nothing would have been possible if I had another child to take care, without having support system in a place, being away from parents and folks. This may sound selfish but end of the day I have a life too and I don’t think my daughter is unhappy being single. we are friends and parents both to her..

  5. This was a good read….honest and awesome…I have no kids..and have to go through the associated bombardment of questions almost everyday! Didnt realize that folks with single kids have their fair share too….

  6. Nice write up…. I have a 4 yr old… My one and only and I also had to face these opinions about me ‘spoiling’ my child by not giving him a sibling. The weirdest I got to hear was that every child should have a sibling so that the kids know they can’t have their parents all for themselves… M really surprised by the way society forms its own opinions about an individual.

  7. I was only child to my parents.. As far as I know they are very happy with me & being one child & no siblings I grew up normally as others. I love people & love to mingle with other & of course I’m very social too.. I don’t have any kids yet.. For sure I want one kid & that’s it for life.. I will be much happy if I can take care of all his/her needs & raise her/him in to a better person.

  8. Thank you 🙂 I was reading your blog post over a very slow internet connection so I apologise for not knowing your name. Just wanted to thank you for this post. 🙂 I will be following your posts of old and new 🙂

  9. I have 4 kids. And that is the perfect number for us.

    I must say that “Having another child to give the first a playmate.” Just feels so icky for me. Why should I decide to bring another soul into this world so that my child can “have a pal”?

    I get odd comments too. “Are they all yours?” “DO you know what causes that?” And when they see that I have one boy at the end of a string of girls, “Oh, you finally got that boy!” Like I was going to go all “Duggar” and have baby after baby until I got a boy.

    People have ignorant comments no matter how many children that you have, most especially if you step away from the “normal” 2 child model.

    Families are all different. There are self-centered brats in large families and small ones too. There are wonderful people who are only children, babies of the family, and first borns.

    May we all be great mammas to our only children, sets of two, or large masses of children. It’s really nobody else’s business but our own.

  10. Having an “only” is the only way to go as far as I’m concerned. If I’d had another I would have had enough love to go around but… I agree with you and everyone else. Sometimes I just want to tell everyone to shut the F up with their stupid questions. There is nothing wrong with having an only child – it is all right, all good, all love, all the time. Good post! THANK YOU.

  11. I had the opposite problem….I have an only and couldn’t have a second. I always worried about him growing up without a sibling. Having grown up with a sister 18 mos older, she and I did and shared everything with each other. It took me a while until I realized that being an only isn’t a problem….it has actually helped him be comfortable with himself. When he was little he didn’t need to be entertained all the time, he figured out how to do it on his own. As he has entered his teen years he doesn’t feel the need to have a friend his age around all the time. He can spend time by himself or hold an articulate conversation with an adult. It took me years to achieve that level of comfort with myself. I don’t think he would have that if he had a sibling.

  12. Thank you! I’m a mother of one and my mother was an only child. I love onlies.

    “He knows where everything is, and he is endlessly evaluating his own perceptions of the world outside.” I completely see my daughter in that sentence.

  13. As an only child myself, I appreciate this article. There are so many presumptions about only children. I get sick of the idea that only children are lonely. I always had friends as a kid, so not lonely. And family vacations? Except when I was an awkward preteen, I really enjoyed hanging out with my parents.

    “The first one is for you, the second is for the first.” This quote really annoyed me. I don’t think I have to explain why, haha

  14. I really enjoyed your post. I am an only child myself and have been facing, recently, alot of ridicule for being and only. I am 25 years old and feel that I have turned out to be a productive, friendly, and regular member of society but it feels like there is always a complex about people such as myself. It’s a strange thing to me to have to answer for a decision my mother made that I am quite happy with.

    I do not disagree with having more than one child, but I will say it was nice growing up but not because I was spoiled. With two parents who suffer from alcoholism that split when I was very young, it was always a little different in my mother’s house. I have never been resentful of the alone time I had which spawned into the art that I have been creating all of my life. I think my house may have just seemed more…peaceful. Check out my blog post titled “Chaos” and I think that may explain more of my feelings of needing peace.

    Thanks again for this awesome post.
    Cheers!

  15. Nice article. I am an only child and being one works fine for me. Nope, I don’t remember having imaginary friends and I have cousins that I got to play with when I was younger so all was good. I have youngster aunties and awesome friends that I consider my siblings. I’d like to say your title from my POV: Yes, I am an only child and it’s fine. Really. 🙂

  16. I like only children. I am a mother of four and I find families of one child are perfect for us. They usually need someone to play with their child and I usually need someone to take one of my children. Lol, perfect!

  17. great article! I’m an only child who loved being an only child. I now have 5 of my own and I love having 5! Do you know, the questions of when are you having the next one don’t stop after the second. I guess people are always going to feel the need to question your choices in life. Enjoy your little one!

  18. I love “I know that he will be in his own head a lot, he’s comfortable there, he knows where everything is…” So true of our only as well. We love the stories that come from her fantasy world. We hope she never loses her imagination. Our daughter never asked for a sibling until last year. Many of her first grade friends had mommies who were pregnant. My guess is that she was just wondering when I might fall into this condition.

  19. I am 43, and I have the one only…she is now 17, and made
    it just fine without a sibling. It was my choice to only have
    one, and I heard some of the same things about having another
    child. I done what I wanted and felt what was right for MY family,
    and didn’t care what other people thought. I know my daughter
    lives inside her thoughts and head, but she is very smart, and not
    just smart, but common sense smart, and in some ways more
    mature than her friends. I think there may have been times
    when I wished she had a sibling, because she was always it
    seemed demanding y attention, but everything seemed
    to start moving more smoothly the older she got. We
    have a good relationship and we can talk about anything.
    Our family is complete, and I like that just fine:).

  20. Great post. Our only is now 29, a thoughtful husband, holding a good job with a wonderful wife (also an only) and a good group of friends. I don’t think it hurt him to be an only (and we heard so much of what you wrote about).

  21. Very well written…..I have an elder sister but most of my childhood was spent playing with imaginary friends …I can’t imagine my life without my sis but I have all the so called traits of an only child. I am reclusive I don’t like to share etc. etc. so the so called traits of only child can develop in any child

  22. Ditto…everyone in my family is a perfect two too except my favourite cousin!! And i so so a 100% totally fully agree with you…although i have a gurl so ppl tell me i ‘obviously’ have to try again!! Aaaargh!!!! My reply is if i have a dozen kids i want them all to be girls! Your article was like something i wanted to tell the world…but one couldn’t say it better than you!

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  24. I can totally relate. I have a daughter, she is 13 years old and in my eyes, the happiest and most sociable of all the children around her.I do not appreciate receiving unsolicited advice about my decision to have only one child. It is a choice one makes in life. I just wish people would respect that decision and not make judgements based on something they probably do not understand in the first place. Thank you for sharing this post. 🙂

  25. Wow. Great post. Thanks for sharing. My wife and I have one son. He’s four. We don’t know if we will have another but I have heard so many of the same things from people that you put in this blog.

  26. I’m an only child and I turned out fine. My parents set boundaries and taught me how to behave and be a productive member of society. They probably spoiled me but not me how to my act spoiled. I do sometimes still wish I had siblings but it was a good childhood definitely not traumatizing.

  27. Lovely post, and one that I can totally relate to, being a mum to an ‘only’ child. I’ve been through all this and decided to have only one, because it works for us as a family, and really, that is the most important thing, isn’t it? Each family to its own.

  28. We have an “only child” and when we were asked why we didn’t have any more, my answer was “We got it right the first time.”

  29. I agree with you. I just had my second and it was planned. But I was perfectly fine with having only 1 if that was the case. Much of the only child “stereotypes” are cultural and passed down over and over without any re-defining or re-examination. My first child is 4 years and is surrounded mainly by adults and though he may be ego-centric (all children are), more remarks are made for him as he was the only one even though there are other kids who are just like that. My wife and I decided to spend 4 years with him strengthening our bonds, grooming him before deciding to have another one. Again, even if that didn’t work out, we would have been perfectly fine. So it’s more than fine! 😉

  30. I always thought 2 or 3 was a good number, until we tried for a few years to have one, now I would be completely ecstatic with one 🙂
    Perhaps you should say, “Many people in the world can’t have any kids, we didn’t want to be greedy” hahaha 🙂 Your bub has great curls by the way.

  31. I have no kids but it still is the same with people. “Poor you, can’t you have children?”, “you’re getting old!” (I’m 27!), “women are born to have kids, not to have careers” (of course that person had spent only 8 years in school in her life, compare it to my 22 years of education)… And so on. It’s not about the number, it’s not even about kids, it’s just about how people love to stick their noses in our lives because they feel unhappy or bored with theirs.

  32. I love this:) I just had my first and I am already getting the questions. How many will you have? When is the next one coming? Yeah, I don’t have an answer for that, but I do believe that only children can have wonderful childhoods, and aren’t held back in any way. If anything, they get have more available attention from their parents.

  33. Great post, thank you for sharing!

    It is an interesting perspective of how a parent of an only child views their child as being an only, and views themselves as being the parent of an only child. Kudos on asking Re what he thinks about his ‘status’!

    Being an only child, I experienced the whole other people weighing in on a matter (which is really none of their business) in a rather judgmental manner… teaches you more about other people than about yourself, and you learn about other people (society’s view and how it affects you) quicker, perhaps, than you would if you had siblings to deflect attention away from you.

    People who grew up with siblings sometimes assume that an only child is ‘spoiled’ and a ‘spoiled brat’ to boot because of the getting all your parents’ attention factor… some only children wish for siblings just to get the attention turned away from them. To have a breather where everything you do is not being watched, judged and taken personally as a reflection of how good or bad a parent they are.

    Such is life and humans… Best wishes!

  34. Thank you for sharing this piece, I suspect the pressure we face from others just to have children, is similar to the pressure you faced to have another child. The struggle for us, is that we always thought we’d have a couple of kids – two or three. Now, after experiencing 5 consecutive miscarriages, we are fighting hard just to have one living child. If we ever get one, I can virtually guarantee we will stop and live as a happy family of three humans and 1 or 2 furballs (aka dogs).

  35. Here are the positives and negatives, based on my experience being an only child: I got my parents undivided attention–for good or bad. I got all the praise or incurred all the wrath. It was expected that I would excel. Luckily, I did. But it was at a cost which has taken quite a bit of therapy to understand. I had many opportunities to travel and participate in cultural events that larger families might not be able to afford. I was able to obtain a good education without having to worry about finances. I had advantages but I don’t think I was spoiled–I was always expected to work and I certainly did not get everything I wanted. I am most grateful that being an only child taught me how to be independent and to rely on my own creativity –skills which continue to serve me well.

  36. I have a son who’ll turn 1 in 2 months and I have no intention of making him lose his onlyhood!!! Kudos!! I completely agree!! And yes “you have a son first so now you need not worry!” is classically stupid thing to say!

    Nicely written! Love it!

  37. Reblogged this on Mums Word and commented:
    Love this. How many children is too many or too few??
    Personally I say, what ever feels right to you!! I mean if you have the one and you are happy as a bean then stick with it! Why have more to satisfy others opinions?? Give your one beautiful baby all the love and attention they deserve and relish in the fact that you truly have the means to give them the world!!
    Personally I want 4 kids, I want a huge brood of too many little feet, but I KNOW I’m going to get challenged because of it. Why so many kids? Why the hell not!!
    Why do people feel the need to judge us for the size of our families.
    One baby or seven, it doesn’t matter so long as they are happy!!

  38. As an only raising an only I can honestly say I totally regret it. Because not only am I alone taking care of my elderly parents I can see How horrible it will be for my daughter when the time comes to take care of me. I love my daughter and we have a great relationship but I hate the hardship being alone will force her into. I know having a sibliing doesn’t guarantee I would have help with my parents but it sure would be nice some days (hell most days) to gripe at someone and tell my troubles to as I navigate life with my parents. Just my opinion.

  39. Currently, I am 27 years old, single, and childless. It has always been my dream to have a family of my own that included two or three children, but since finishing a master’s and contemplating a PhD, I’ve thought “honestly, I’d be happy with one. It only takes one child to become a mother and we can bond forever.” Your post has reaffirmed that notion for me and I think your experience shows an amazing balance of womanhood; career-oriented, mother, and partner. Bravo 😊

  40. First, this is a really great piece. A lot was said here that needs saying. I can only hope that attitudes toward only children have changed a bit over the years. As an only child now in my 60s, some of the attitudes that I encountered in my younger, school going years, were unbelievably rude and condescending, including one elementary teacher who told me to my face that she considered all only children spoiled brats. This comment was made not based upon any misbehavior on my part by the way. It was on one of the first days of the school year and I guess that it was something that she just wanted to get it off of her chest. But I am thinking that things may have changed a bit over the years. Also, as a childless only child I sometimes wish that I had a sibling or two to commiserate with and discuss family matters. In any case the best of luck to you and your son.

  41. To be honest, I felt the same when I had only our son. It was such a big adjustment that a second seemed overwhelming. BUT, we had our second – a baby girl! – and it has been AWESOME. I don’t think you would ever regret it. Watching them bond, watching her try to copy her big brother, watching our two children together. It is truly amazing. And we still can get out and travel pretty light. But now we look forward to the time when the kids play together while mom/dad relax 🙂

  42. As an only child myself (well, technically I have an older half brother, but never lived with us so I don’t count it) I can sympathize. I don’t know if anyone ever harassed by mom to have more children, but she’s always told people she had a “One & done” philosophy. You can’t improve on perfection, I jokingly tell people. But I honestly have no idea why people think it’s so bad to be an only child. I don’t think I suffered for it. I did all the same things other kids did, just by myself. Or is it okay to play pretend when you’re with a friend, but it’s pathological when you’re alone? Plus, I was in school, daycare, or the babysitter’s because both my parents worked, so it wasn’t like I never socialized. Nor did I turn out spoiled, because my parents didn’t buy me everything I ever wanted. I’d say there’s pros & cons for both types of families. It shouldn’t be “expected” that someone have lots of kids, or any kids at all. Or to even get married. In fact, let’s just stop foisting our ideas of how someone should build their life all together.

  43. I am an only child and must say I haven’t turned out too badly. I am no more selfish than anyone else, don’t expect everything to go my way and am not socially incompetent. My favourite line is “but you don’t seem like an only child, you’re so NICE” of which I’m never sure whether to be flattered or insulted.
    People have an opinion on whatever you do, and a tendency to overdramatise whatever they don’t understand. Great post and congrats on being FP!

  44. I have 6 children and I get the other side of what you are writing about! “Oh wow, there are so many!” or “How can you handle all of them or afford them?” one of my favorites…not…is “Do you love them all the same? I don’t think I could have that many for fear of favoring one” Yes, people really have said that to me! I like to tell them, I have assigned each child a day of the week to love them on, the last day being reserved for the one that was the best behaved that week and deserves a little extra love as a reward:) Props to you for knowing what you want! To each his own! Great writing by the way.

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  46. After nearly 7 years of infertility, we finally were able to carry our daughter to term and have her. We wanted another, but no dice. We spent more time with her than many parents, but she had friends growing up, and was quite social.
    Now she is 24, finishing up her degree in a couple of months, a Presidential Scholar, etc. Her finance’ is one of 3. She is perfectly adjusted as any child could be.
    People were cruel when we had no child, also with one child, and cruel to friends with more kids. Child count is the choice of the couple, no one else. We would like grandchildren, but its none of our business. Only they can decide, and will get no pressure from us. Stop being cruel, please!

  47. I can relate…I have “an only”. I always thought I would have a few children but God saw it fit we would only have our son…I am blessed. But even now, at the age of 45 and my son is 13 years old people still ask/say “don’t you want a girl, he needs a sibling to play with, you’ll miss him when he leaves for college” and so on. I would never ask someone “why so many kids”? Don’t know what compels some to ask. Thanks for sharing.

  48. I respect everyone’s choice regarding having children…none, one or multiple. Personally, I am an only child and asked for a sibling every birthday and Christmas when I was a kid. Of couse not understanding why I would never have a sibling until much older. I hated it because of all the attention on me. I hated it because everyone in school would tell me i was spoiled. I hate it as an adult because as my parents age, I am reminded that I am all alone in this journey of caregiving and worrying regardless of having a husband and cousins and friends. I still yern for a sibling even though I’m 37 and my parents are in their 70s. For this reason I don’t want my son to be an only child. Just a little something to think about from a parent and an only child

  49. Hi: I have an only and the worst comment I had was “you can’t call yourself a real family until you have a second”. I dropped her like a hot potato but it’s usually (always?) women doing it to other women sadly. Take care and enjoy the present.

  50. I love this! For many reasons, my daughter is an only (this side of Heaven.) We are counting our blessings and LIVING the LIFE we have – “Only” and all.

  51. I was always told, “I’ve never met an only child who didn’t wish they had siblings.”

    Well! By all means, I should have a second child because one day my daughter may wish she had a sibling. Never mind my own feelings and my partner’s feelings on the subject!

    Now when I get comments I say, “Too late now! We’ve already put some permanent birth control into place!”

    I still get the, “Do you still want to adopt?” comments. Maybe. We’ll see. I’m thinking “no” though.

    Right now we’re not settled, and I kind of like that. Like you, we like to pack up and go. I also need time and space to be creative and have an identity beyond “mom.”

    Not everyone gets it, so it’s nice to read someone else who does. I love my little family. It’s not everyone else’s ideal, but in my eyes, it’s perfect just the way it is.

  52. Brilliant read! Chuckling at the “You already have a boy, so it hardly matters what comes next!”. I remember the “May you have a fair boy” blessings when i was expecting my ‘only’!! She turned out just fine 🙂

  53. Despite the dire warnings, grave concerns and unsolicited advice I endure on the matter, I recently realized that most of the self absorbed /self centred / spoiled / maladjusted people I have met… are not one and onlies!

  54. Great post, what a lovely family! As an only child myself I don’t feel like I have missed out on anything by not having siblings. If anything I get a lot of comments saying ‘you are so lucky’. I do feel slightly jealous of some of my friends who are really close to their siblings and do a lot together but then I have wonderful friends for that and I’m very close to my parents too.
    I like your perspective and I’m looking forward to reading more from your blog! Thanks for sharing.

  55. I had my second because my first born-a son- is so accident prone. I fiercely love him. And couldnt(and cant) imagine life without him. He is our sunshine that frequently ducks and falls.

    The thought of losing him under a wheel as he darts on the road expecting the world to stop to let him pass, the thought of not having a child to look forward to at 40, 50, 60y was too hard for my husband & I to stomach. That kindled in me a desire to have a second-at 33y- quite fertile per todays standards!

    So now my second born is 4y old already. He’s our Rock of Gibraltar. Calm, steady, cautious. And a boy. My deepest regret is that my boys wont know what it is to have a sister. The bond a brother and sister have…that sensitivity, Im sad my boys may not have it. (Much as I’ve heard well meaning friends tell me 37 aint too late, not willing to risk birthing another boy.)

    Thanks for letting me vent!

  56. Hello,
    I don’t have any kids and have heard the variation ‘Who will look after you when you’re old?’ ‘You’re selfish!’ ‘You don’t need time to have a baby you know-there are creches’ – does this mean that we should just have the child and the forget about him/her…!! From aggressive people who are angry as they think you don’t want a baby.
    Then the helpful one’s who assume you’ve tried and failed and feel sorry for you ‘You must have more faith in God and he’ll help you’ ‘You must try the test-tube route’
    I sometimes would not know whether to laugh, cry or scream in frustration….i’ve chosen to laugh!

  57. Love the article ! Here is what i have to say, i am the only child, my hubby the only child, and my little one is the only child, who is all of 17 years. I for one never wanted a sibling , friends made up and it is they who pull you up..

  58. I feel wonderful having an only child. Her age is 3+yrs and she is such a sweet loving child. People used to say that an only child fusses about sharing things and is irritable. But in my case, our daughter is totally opposite. We often go to the movies, mall, long drives and play games. Even I get more time for my studies and other family members. Having an only child creates balance and peace in my life…

  59. We urban educated bengalis are mostly only child. Even myself is also an only child. I have many bengali friends and my cousins who all are only child. Because looking after and taking care of a child is not easy and then you burden yourself with another child. Already just providing for a child is very financially stressful.

  60. wow….very interesting and addresses all the concerns and thoughts of a mom of a single child……i have had all the feelings u had….and felt exactly the same way you have put it……….these days every child deserves more quality time from the parents….not just having kids……. 🙂

  61. Pingback: How about baby No. 2: When to have second child

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