Around this time four years ago, I was packing my bag. No it wasn’t that kind of adventure-laden bag, rather it was a hospital bag that I was packing, ticking off items in my little black book (still have it!), getting ready to give birth, annoyed that the child inside had already overstayed her welcome (yes, I kept thinking it was a ‘her’). Finally, a boy arrived, and I first thought I’ll return it, but then I chanced upon a curly top and a dimpled chin and I thought he could stay.
Four years later, I am still reeling under the shock that I am a mother. To a boy! I thought I will celebrate Re’s birthday (June 23) with a list. I love making lists. So here’s a list of 48 ways in which Re has changed my life (for the 48 months that he has been in my life.) (Disclaimer: It’s not mushy)
1. I have my tea in seven installments. The first two are perfect in temperature.
2. My idea of alone time is sitting on the pot.
3. My baths have become longer, especially when you are in the house. I am okay with opening the door and looking at the drawing as long as I can shut it back on you.
4. I have begun to really respect silences. And people who don’t talk much. Or ask why.
5. My definition of bad hair days is changing rapidly.
6. When I say ‘I’, and the father thinks ‘we’, it makes me really mad.
7. When I say ‘we’ and the father thinks “I’, it makes me even madder.
8. I have learnt that collaborating with a good cop is a really bad idea, so I just don’t listen to your father anymore.
9. I never cared much about nighties, but if on any given night, you don’t want to wear them, I become obsessed with them.
10. I am on first name basis with Cinderella, Ariel, Flounder, Rapunzel, Chota Bheem, Maya the Bee and Tatonka.
11. I have begun to appreciate the joys of nakedness after watching Chota Bheem.
12. I sometimes see the music in whining. Yours and your father’s.
13. I mostly don’t.
14. I have found the joy of saying everything in triplicate. No, make that quintuplicate.
15. I love schools and any place that will take me away from you.
16. I love my parents much more now. Especially when I leave you with them.
17. I take it in my stride when my friends ask me about you before they ask me about me.
18. I am obsessed with baths. Not mine, yours. And your father’s.
19. I often dream of being marooned on an island, and feeling very happy about it.
20. I have learnt to lower the bar for cleanliness, order and punctuality.
21. I think folding clothes is a waste of time.
22. And ironing is overrated.
23. I can be friends with women I don’t give a shit about just because their kid likes you.
24. I have a point of view on parenting. It’s called “My way”
25. Each day, I find seven new ways in which your father is annoying.
26. I can spend an hour looking for a Barbie shoe.
27. Or a lellow colored kydayon!
28. I am constantly reading books on “How to tune off”
29. I use you extensively as arm candy. It always works.
30. I have started hiding things I really love to eat. Like mango gutlis and white chocolate.
31. I am excessively allergic to OCD. I can’t understand what’s wrong if the shoes are not aligned on the shelf or if the purple crayon is next to the yellow one.
32. I cannot stand people whose sentences start with “You won’t believe what my <insert name of child here> did today!”
33. My desire to ask my mother what I was as a child is overwhelming.
34. I need a drink quite often.
35. On good days, I want to trace my family tree.
36. I love my cousins. Especially the ones who’ve made babies.
37. I suddenly want my siblings to have babies, so that there is some equality in our suffering.
38. I am trying hard to be really annoying so you disqualify me as the object of your affection and move to someone else.
39. I look at my non-communicative cats in a new light.
40. My love for you is inversely proportional to the time spent with you.
41. I love watching you sleep. It makes it seem worth the while.
42. I have bitten your cheeks several times while you were sleeping.
43. When someone says good things about you, I am very happy to take the credit.
44. It pisses me off that your curls look good even on bad hair days.
45. I call my mother. Very often.
46. I always say “lovely pix!” when someone posts baby pictures. Even if they are ugly.
47. I love doggy bags. It’s one less meal to plan.
48. I am becoming addicted to your hugs. Please don’t stop.