Confessions of a not-so-dangerous mind

I just found this on my Facebook notes, and thought, why not put it out there? So here are 25 things in no particular order about me. Tell me yours.

1. I am a first-born. Not just at home, but in the entire khandaan. It sucks. I am tired of setting precedents. I don’t know how to undo my position in the family hierarchy.

2. I always stood first in my class (except in the ninth standard when a buxom girl called Urmi beat me by two marks). My building buddies secretly hated me for it. So did all my classmates. So did my cousins. And my siblings. “Why can’t you be like Lalli?” was the bane of my existence.

3. All I ever wanted when I was a little girl was to grow tall and acquire boobs and sit on the last bench (I thought the view was really nice). I never managed to graduate from the first bench till my tenth standard. I am still 5 feet 1” (the 1” doesn’t seem important anymore). I did get boobs eventually, but it took bloody long.

4. I have twin siblings. Boy-girl. I thought that made me cool. I don’t know any other boy-girl twin in the world. Except Angelina Jolie..(?!) But then, she doesn’t count, does she? Though, till I was six years old, they were at my grandma’s and I pretended my siblings didn’t exist.

5. I have one and a half dimples and a cleft on my chin. Funnily enough, that’s normally not the first thing people notice about me. May be it has to do with the fact that my siblings and my mother have better ones. Or that my hair is too distracting.

6. I used to eat slate pencils. Those white, slim ones with a dash of pastel colours? I tried chalk too, but it didn’t give me a kick.

7. I am a non smoker and a vegetarian, though I am still trying to go off leather. I tried smoking my dad’s ciggies when I was a kid and hated it. Years later, after a trek in Nepal and some rice wine, I tried smoking a local Nepalese cigarette. It gave me an immense urge to disengage my bowels and I felt all hollow inside. I never tried again.

8. I think I have a karmic connection with cats. I mean, I never felt they were pets, just that they are some superior beings you live with so that your fuckwitticisms stay in check, coz they are so bloody cool. I have lived with many… chinki, pushpi, kimi, kallu, simba, kuttu, tipu, chinka, lupooh, millie.. I now live with nadia and bravo and am still learning about cats.

9. I was a control freak. I still am. I always took charge of anything dad got home and insisted I allot stuff, as I knew best. I used to hoard scented erasers, pencils, stationery boxes, books, ribbons, comics. My brother hated me for this.

10. In class 4, I poked a boy named Nikhil in the eye to show him my pencil was sharper. My mother changed my school and put me in a girl’s convent as punishment. I never forgave her for that.

11. I bumped into Nikhil 13 years later, during my post-grad. He messed me up. I guess what goes around, comes around.

12. I never got the lead part in any school play, as I was too puny, and had no boobs. I actually played a south Indian boy wearing a mundu and no shirt in a play on national integration where my lines were, “idli-dosa”. I was the only girl who could take my shirt off at age 12 and still look like a boy, so I got the part, I guess. I was an extra in the volley-ball and kho-kho team and was terrified that I might have to play. I was grateful at least I stood first in class, else people would never know me.

13. I love dancing. Anytime. Anywhere. And my boy loves it too, coz he is always happy when he (or we) dance.

14. I often hang up on my mother when she can’t get to the point. I have an extremely low attention span. I hate talking on the phone. Even to those I love. My mother now makes notes before she calls me. Strangely, other people aren’t as insightful as her.

15. I wanted to be a vet, but they told me I would be buried in cows’ intestines. I wish I hadn’t listened to them.

16. Actually I could have done very well with anything predictive. Futurology stuff? I see things before they happen. I sense things about people. And I am usually right.

17. I think that the worst thing that could have happened to me has already happened to me. So I am fearless to a point that it scares me, and the people I love.

18. I grew up on radio. I woke up with ‘Sangeet Sarita’ and went to bed with ‘Bela ke phool’. Doesn’t ring a bell? Wrong generation.

19. My dad and I had a haircut at the same saloon till I was twelve.

20. I always thought my dad was cool because he smoked and was tall and thin.

21. I think politeness and courtesy are wasted on most people. When you don’t have anything to say to people, why bother? And I hate making small talk.

22. My threshold for a book is ten pages. For a movie or play, 20 minutes. For a human being, thirty seconds. For an animal, usually forever (unless it’s a pedigreed dog). For a job or relationship, six months. If it doesn’t work for me in this timeframe, I just let it go.

23. I am a foodie. I eat like a man and also swear like one. I also feel that this whole thing about ‘cooking for one person is so boring’ is all bollocks. I totally enjoy cooking for myself, and eating it all.

24. I can sing. Wonder what happened to that? I was somewhat of a crooner in school and college. The pictures are embarrassing, but yes, I can.

25. I love being alone. I actually lie to people to make ‘me time’. I can live in a mansion with no one around and still not feel lonely or afraid.


2 thoughts on “Confessions of a not-so-dangerous mind

  1. Greetings Lalita!

    Confessions no. 6, 8, 16, 23 & 25, same here!

    you also write for Indian Express’s ‘eYe’ magazine, don’y you?! I love a few of your articles, especially those on animals!!

    well, I commented as I wanted you to know, you’ve got just another fan!


    Everyone is Unique, like Everyone.

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