Things mothers think and do not say: A random collection of tweet-nothings

Dear Re,

Here is a list of tweets (some modified) that have been a reflection of my thoughts about you (and us). I am sure someone is going to tattle and tell you you what your mommy has been writing behind your back, so I may as well come clean.

1.Happiness is finding out naani saved me the last mysorepak from Diwali. Not you.

2. I think I’ll just take me for a holiday. Oops! Where did I put her?

3. In order to love you, I need to ignore you.

4. At the very least, I could have learnt to draw before I had you. Please find someone else as a drawing guide.

5. First the homeopath tells me I have too much testosterone and now you say I am your best boy! Bad timing, dude!

6. Some day you will need to know that I am the boss of you. The friend thing is too tiring.

7. Why are these sinewy lads doing parkour and whatnot in parks while I am pushing you on a goddamn swing? So distracting.

8. Yaars I want to devour a week’s hoard of McDreamy, but McCurly won’t let me. Someone take him for a few hours?

9. The mother lauds my patience with you. She is naive that way.

10. Oh, so your report card says you can fold napkins, sort, peg, open and close boxes and carry items on a tray. Aha, I see a new slave!

11. Dear school. Please open soon. I will pay extra. I will cook for you also. Thank you.

12. I alternate between nurturing face and snarky face so often, I could be Jim Carrey.

13. Every time I am at a park, the horror of motherhood hits me. The small talk… Grrrrr!

14. If only motherhood didn’t have to be so goddamn polite.

15. Dear boy. Saying “I have angry birds paani in my house” will never help you score a playdate.

16. Dilawi. Comed. Gaved. Broked. Telled. Ah, the bliss of imperfection in a child’s world.

17. Sometimes I am afraid you are like me. Other times I am grateful that I am like you.

18. The nicest thing about having you, dear boy, is polarity. There are highs and lows but life is never blah.

19. Dear school. I am gonna miss you. Like really.

20. Dear boy. The holidays haven’t even started and you have pushed back your waking up by an hour. And no, I don’t want to dance at 6 am.

21. Dear boy. I don’t mind your playdates, but please keep me in mind coz I have to hang with the parents.

22. I will still eat the last cookie. Motherhood be damned.

23. Your father is my husband. Everyone can’t be your husband.

24. Your father sends me a mail that CBeebies is going to be discontinued. This is the kind of moronic thing you do when you have a child.

25. Motherhood is work in progress. Whose progress is the question.

26. Don’t ask me to run away. I might.

27. Sometimes missing you is more fun than loving you. Not that I am good at missing.

28.  Dear boy. Don’t try to combine mmmmmmm and delicious. It sounds mmmalicious!

29. Dear boy.  Stop tidying the house just because you have a damn playdate! I can’t find anything.

30. Thank you boy, for bringing back silly.




9 thoughts on “Things mothers think and do not say: A random collection of tweet-nothings

  1. This is soooo brilliant! So so true. I was smiling at almost every point. Can’t decide which ones are my favourites. All of them I guess 🙂

  2. I am truly grateful to be married to you. You haffto stay with me now, youhear mama, you hear? (Bloody brilliant writing by the way … i was mesmerized by every word).

  3. I loved the one about naani saving you mysorepak – my mum used to take special care that my children did not completely wipe me out. It felt sooooooo good!

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