10 things you must never ask me about Mr. Curly Top

So Re has curls and they are here to stay. Yes, it’s his birth hair and no, I haven’t done a mundan and don’t intend to, just in case the wrong genes take over. It’s just that I have had enough fielding questions about his hair and  I thought I would do a service by publishing this ready reckoner just in case people continue to annoy me further (and they will) with hair queries. I have also published the answers to the said questions, so you will know what to expect, and you are better prepared for my assault.

1. So are you going to do something about his hair?

You mean, other than gaze at it and thank my ancestors every time? You mean other than take mad pictures from every angle of his luscious locks? You mean other than run my fingers through his hair every time I get a chance? You mean other than rejoice that he belongs to that infinitesimally small population of curly, dark-haired children?

2. Who in the family has curly hair?

This one needs an award for acutely visually challenged or plain moronic. I mean, look at me. Look at my family.  Now look at the OPU and his family. Ten points for the correct staring-at-your-face answer. How hard is it to figure this out?

3. How do you wash it?

If you are expecting me to say I call a special washing lady from Dhobighat every Saturday to wash his hair, no. I wash it just as you do. Only, since I am south-Indian and I still listen to my mother (sometimes), I apply a generous portion of organic coconut or almond oil and do a nice champi (he likes it when I call it that) half hour before the bath. Sometimes I leave it on longer. Then I do what you do. Apply shampoo, rinse. Rinse again, till he tells me to stop. Then I towel dry (and don’t ask me how long his hair takes to dry), and it’s business as usual. No, I don’t know what a hair-dryer is, and I have never used one in my life and I have a lot of hair (it’s just shorter now, but it’s enough to keep three generations from balding)

4. It must be tough to comb it, no?

This one I will not blame the lesser mortals for, but the point is, very few people actually know that CURLY HAIR SHOULD NEVER BE COMBED. EVER. My mother didn’t know that for the longest time and I have had a fairly traumatic childhood as a result. But just as Re came into this world and I heaved a sigh upon sighting his curly mop, I decided I will introduce him to the fabulous world of finger combing from the start. So yes, neither of us combs our hair and I can bet that we will still have lesser tangles than you 100-strokes-a-day people, get it?

5. He doesn’t feel hot? May be you should shave it off for the summer. Or at least a summer crop.

Again this is a myth perpetuated by straight-haired or scanty haired people that less hair is cool (pun unintended). Have you heard of accessories? Hair management?

6. Does it bother him?

He actually loves it. He loves that his hair has a mind of its own and is sometimes its own person. He loves tossing it about and being all Zakir Hussain about it. He loves playing with his ringlets. He loves that his hair invents a new parting of its own everyday. He loves that he doesn’t blend into a monochromatic pool of mostly straight-haired people.

7. Doesn’t it come in the way?

Of what? He hasn’t started reading tomes yet, and when he does, he can push it back, thank you. If you are asking if he has bumped into someone because of some ringlets on his forehead, no, he hasn’t.

8. Are those curls real?

This makes me want to throw something at the said person.

9. Does he get mistaken for a girl? 

I just know that no one will ever turn to Abhishek Bachchan and say, “Aishwarya, you look lovely today!”

10. When are you going to cut it?

Why are you so jealous? Get a life!

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11 thoughts on “10 things you must never ask me about Mr. Curly Top

  1. ha ha ha ha i completely love it…
    and am fully encouraging my son Zeke to grow his hair , when he is outta school so that…i can run my fingers through his curly mop again…i miss his curly mop…and to sound realy corny…
    like the desert misses the rain…

  2. hi, first time on your blog.
    Loved the pic. your son has very cute curls and he is adorable.
    My son too had lovely curls and I (regret) had to get the mundan done and since then he has had straight hair.
    Loved your answers..:-) curls rock!

  3. Who are u??? My dotter has super curly hair and I have been asked each of these questions ! And I just love it when they go for num 8, (are those real?) cos yeah I went to a salon to get them done!! Boy, u really know whom to stay away from after num 8.
    Thanks for yur column, it just brightened me up 10 notches.

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